Image Credit: Shirlaine Forrest/WireImage.com
Sinead O’Connor has kept a relatively low profile in the last few years. I always assumed she was living the leisurely life of the quietly aging singer-songwriter, composing tone poems in a lovely estate somewhere in the countryside.
But readers, I was wrong — dead wrong!
In a column originally written for the Irish Independent, O’Connor explains that she’s been feeling a little bit unfulfilled lately. “My situation sexually/affectionately speaking is so dire that inanimate objects are starting to look good,” she says, adding, “I tell you, yams are looking like the winners.” After admitting to considering joining an Irish dating agency, she just comes right out and makes her plea: “Am in desperate need of a very sweet sex-starved man.” And she has requirements, including:
–”He must be no younger than 44.”
–”Must not be named Brian or Nigel.”
–”I like me a hairy man, so buffed and/or waxed need not apply.”
–”Must be very ‘snuggly’. Not just wham-bam.”
–”Must be wham-bam.”
–”Has to like his mother.”
According to O’Connor’s personal blog, she appears to have had some luck finding a fella, who I will naturally assume is a mama’s boy named Mr. Wham-Bam “Grizzly” O’Snuggles. O’Connor concludes her column with a special note: “Countless rumours have it that opera singers are recommended to have sex half an hour before each show. So by even applying you are part of my artistic advancement.” What a fun, sexy time for you, Mr. O’Snuggles!
Her website is promising a follow-up piece in this weekend’s Independent. Except for the hurricane apocalypse currently approaching New York City, this is definitely the most important news you will read this weekend.
Readers, are you surprised to see someone with such a relatively high profile go the personal-ad route? And can you believe that we wrote this whole article without mentioning how Sinead O’Connor once tore up a picture of the pope on SNL? Oh, darn.
Follow Darren on Twitter: @EWDarrenFranich
More on EW.com:
Maybe EW can work as a match-making site and fix her up with Jim Carrey. He seems to be awfully needy these days, too.
I wouldn’t f*ck her with your d!ck.
She changed the rules so ugly people can apply. And that she loves anal sex. See for yourselves.
…or does she look like Young Susan Boyle?
I’m thinking more like Imelda Staunton
I thought that, too.
a dowry?
omg how rude
Rule of Thumb: If you can’t spell the first name of the girl you want to bang, it’s probably just not meant to be.
What a hound.
….and I just threw up in my mouth a little.
Wasn’t she an open lesbian just a few years ago?
I was just thinking that
The “in” thing to do a few years ago was to be “out”.
Speaking of… how is Anne Heche doing these days?
Reportedly she’s manic depressive and wasn’t on medication when she said that. Perhaps all her baffling changes in behavior might be traced back to that.
Is she inhaling a hamburger in that photo?
Nothing Compares 2 Cheetos
Haha…awesome…
I still would for the novelty factor.
I don’t think I could get it up.
I’m sex-starved too but I also couldn’t get it up, as I am gay to the bone. Sorry Sinead but your album “I DO NOT WANT WHAT I HAVEN’T GOT” is still my favorite album of ALL TIME and also my MOST-PLAYED album of all time.
Never, in a million years, did I ever think I would be a better catch than the lovely and talented Sinead. Until today.
Thar she blows!
I’m in love in Darren Franich!
You and me both!
Lovely to see people still struggling in the shallow end of the pool…
Yes, she does look like Susan Boyle.
This is what happens when you rip up a picture of the Pope — God makes you fat. She looks like Grimace.
God is a theoretical concept, you nincompoop. There’s no proof showing whether he/she/it/they exist(s).
And what makes you think the god you worship is the only one that exists? And what if your god doesn’t exist but some other religion’s god exists? What are you gonna do then? All your worshipping would have been for naught!
What did yams ever do to her???
Only what she helped them do.
She must be very lonely. How sad.
Now I have a craving for fish flavored yams.
Sinead is still bats__t crazy. Some things in life never change, I guess.