Image Credit: David Becker/WireImage.com
Stephen Malkmus has a new album with his band the Jicks called Mirror Traffic. It’s produced by Beck, features some of the most Pavement-esque tunes of his solo career, and is largely excellent. By far the most superior track on it is “The Senator,” a punchy blast of hard-jangle goodness.
Unfortunately, “The Senator” is not fit for radio consumption: the chorus is “I know what the Senator wants/ What the Senator wants is a blow job.” While that’s barely OK for this website, it would most definitely not work on the airwaves.
But Malkmus came up with a reasonable solution: He staged a contest and asked fans to make suggestions about what, exactly, the titular Senator should desire in the chorus of his song. The winning entry? “I know what the Senator wants/ What the Senator wants is a corn dog.” Malkmus will record the radio-friendly version in time for him to take over whatever airwaves might actually consider playing a Stephen Malkmus song (in between, we assume, 42 Ke$ha songs and seven hours of Spanish talk radio).
Malkmus seemed nonchalant about it, but other artists have been a bit more prickly about changing the words to their songs for the sake of being a little more palatable to a wider audience:When Eels dropped Daisies of the Galaxy in 2000, the label didn’t like the idea of the song “It’s a Motherf—er” (a gorgeous, heartbreaking ballad), so E decided to go the goofy route and re-name the tune “It’s a Monster Trucker.”
Moby did a similar thing in 1996 when his cover of Mission of Burma’s “That’s When I Reach For My Revolver” became a single. Both MTV and the BBC disapproved of the the suggested violence in Moby’s chorus (“That’s when I reach for my revolver/ That’s when it all gets blow away”). The bald one changed the lyric to “That’s when I realize it’s over/ That’s when it all just goes away,” though at the time he joked about changing it to “That’s when I reach for my Chihuahua/ That’s when he barks and runs away.”
There are countless examples of this: Just in the past year, two huge pop hits have had to shift their choruses to be radio-safe, and both of those changes completely alter the meanings of the songs. Cee Lo Green’s “F— You” became “Forget You” and lost a lot of its teeth and humor, while Enrique Iglesias’ “Tonight” went from “Tonight I’m f—ing you” to “Tonight I’m loving you,” which totally removes the power (and naughtiness) that exists in the original.
MTV is also notorious for doing this. I distinctly remember being shocked that they removed references to “endo” from the chorus of Snoop Dogg’s “Gin and Juice,” though the idea of promoting smoking was totally fine.
And there was a great deal of confusion surrounding what word the network took out of Avril Lavigne’s “Don’t Tell Me.” Was it a totally dirty Canadian euphemism for the female anatomy? Nope, it was just the word “pants.” The phrase “in my pants” was considered too racy.
Anyway, now it’s your turn. What’s your vote for the best, funniest, or most absurd lyrical clean-up? Sound off in the comments below!
Read more on EW.com:
Review: Stephen Malkmus & the Jicks, Mirror Traffic
Pavement at Central Park: Oh, stormy night
Censorship: A $#*!ing History
Funny they’ve never sanitized Janis Joplin’s Bobby McGee. The m…. f…. is always played on radio,
It’s not lyrics, but in the T.V. version of Three Kings, they get a completely different voice to replace George Clooney’s when he swears. It’s so weird.
Also there is a song that talks about getting money an blowing it all on pot, but the radio version says blowing it all on shots. As if getting insanely drunk is more appropriate behavior than getting stoned.
so it was Charlie Robinson’s “My Hometown”.
for a second there, i thought you meant they blew it all on vaccinations. man, i need some more coffee.
HA!!
One of the more ridiculous ones I can think of is Tom Petty’s “You Don’t Know How It Feels,” when “Let’s roll another joint” is changed to “Let’s *hit* another joint.”
For an even sillier example: Kirsty MacColl’s 1989 single “Free World” — the original contains the lyric “You gotta take it, gotta grab it, gotta get it up and shag it”; but the radio edit changes “shag” to “wag.”
I actually wrote in to a radio station complaining about that edit (Petty’s). The same station had absolutely no problem playing Clapton’s “Cocaine” or any other of the multitude of drug-related classic rock songs. They changed their policy on the Petty edit soon thereafter.
There’s this song called “Sittin’ at a Bar” (had to Google that) and the singer is regaling the barkeep with his tales of nefarious deeds. The “real” lyric is: “So I jacked the keys to her f—in’ car / Crashed that piece of s— and then stepped away”
The radio version is “So I jacked the keys to her father’s car / Crashed that Chevrolet and then stepped away”
I like the radio lyric much better because it describes what, to me, is a funnier situation. I also prefer how ‘Chevrolet’ fits into it musically. It sounds better to me.
In Nickelback’s “Rock Star,” the line was “Where the girls come easy and the drugs come cheap.” But apparently some radio stations thought that “drugs” was a bad word and removed it. But then my mind inserted much dirtier words, while trying to figure out what was being referenced… so seems counterproductive to me.
I was going to mention this one. Yep, getting the keys to the playboy mansion is fine, but drugs is not.
Steve Miller’s Big ‘ol jet Airliner… I don’t want to get caught up in any of that f”unky s__t going down in the city” became “funky kicks going down in the city”.
Wasn’t the Black Eyed Peas song where they say: Let get it started in here-originally :Let’s get retarded?
Oh, now that song makes sense. lol
Not that I think it should be changed AT ALL, but I’m actually surprised Foster the People’s “Pumped Up Kicks” wasn’t edited for radio.
I’m surprised it was edited for MTV. They censored Gun, Bullet and Six Shooter, and cigarette. The next song by Avril Lavigne started out with ‘you know that I’m a crazy b**ch.’ Priorities, priorities.
My favorite recent one is from Bruno Mars’ “Lazy Song”:
“Tomorrow I’ll wake up do some P90X / meet a really nice girl, have really nice s** / She’s gonna scream out this is great.”
Because no one can fill in a simple rhyme or use context clues….
Where I’m from there are 2 pop stations (and 1000000 country stations, but that’s another thread). One station bleeps out “sex” but the other station leaves it in the song. What’s up with that? And, what’s wrong with the word sex?
Not that I don’t like a good curse word….but I actually like “forget” you better than “f*ck” you. The extra syllable fits better, musically.
I think “forget” fits better musically too.
I also liked when Cee Lo was on Colbert’s show and changed it to “Fox News” for Stephen.
*
“I saw you drivin’ ’round town with the girl I love on Fox News
Didn’t see one politician that wasn’t corrupt on Fox News And I got the blues
The poor get poorer, the rich get richer. Ain’t that some sh**?
I’m havin’ pains in my chest because I’m so stressed from Fox News.”
Aren’t the lyrics for “Pulling Mussels from a Shell” actually “Pulling Muscles for Michelle”? All they did was change the name of the song — the song can be heard either way.
Stephen Malkmus and the jicks “Mirror Traffic” is a awesome CD. Gets better with repeated listening. “Senator” is a hilight, but I like “Stick Figures in Love” more. I hope this album gets promoted and it catches on!
I like the switch on Red Hot Chili Peppers’ “Tell Me Baby,” from “life can be a little sh*tty” to “life can be a little kitty.”
One of my favorite ridiculous ones was from a *really* conservative oldies station–they wouldn’t play the line “Makin’ love in the green grass/Behind the stadium with you” from Brown Eyed Girl. They just edited in the final line from the previous verse.
What jarrs me is hearing the radio edits, getting used to it, liking it, getting the soing and suddenly- bam!- big old cuss word! I never see it coming- Hollaback Girl anyone? o.o