How to enrage a One Direction fan in 5 steps

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Image Credit: Kevin Mazur/WireImage

They’re young, they tweet, and man, are they protective of their boys.

One Direction fans are a passionate bunch. So if you happen to find yourself standing in line for One Direction: This Is Us, there are a few things you need to know. Here are five things that will really get the fans fuming:

1. Debate “Larry” vs. “Elounor”
The first thing you need to know about Directioners is that they’re divided into two camps. There are “Larry” shippers, who believe bandmates Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles are in a secret romantic relationship that’s being covered up by their handlers (fans claim that Modest! Management won’t let them be photographed without the rest of the boys anymore), and there are “Elounor” shippers, who trust that Tomlinson’s real-life relationship with University of Manchester student Eleanor Calder, is, in fact, real. Engage either side about the validity of Larry and you’re asking for a heated diatribe—or a series of terrifying “I will cut you” tweets. As you’ll learn, the boys’ love lives are not your business… unless, of course, you’re sure that Louis and Harry are depending on you to expose their secret relationship to the world so they can finally be happy.

2. Say You Love Justin Bieber
The second thing you need to know is that Directioners don’t like Beliebers. The conflict began (where else?) on Twitter. “The Beliebers trended #HitDirectionersWithAShovelDay” for no reason explains Holly, a 16-year-old 1D fan from Chicago. She says the war has raged on ever since. “When they won at the TCAs instead of Justin Beiber, they started making fun of Harry’s acne. They’re just trying to make us angry.” DIrectioners haven’t forgotten about the trend, either. The hashtag is still being talked about today:

3. Cast the Boys in a Bad Light
Journalists, don’t you dare say the wrong thing about any of the lads. Or even imply anything untoward. For its September issue, British GQ ran five individual One Direction covers, each with a quippy line. Harry’s cover implied he’d slept with almost 100 women and included the line, “He’s up all night to get lucky.” Fans went berserk. Twitter responses ranged from, “YOU ARE NOT A GOD DAMN MAN WHORE, YOU ARE A CUPCAKE” to “CAN I PLEASE STAB EVERY SINGLE PERSON WHO WORKS FOR GQ,” to stuff we can’t print here. Suffice it to say there was a lot of caps lock involved.

(Side Note: I’ve experienced this rage firsthand. When I wrote a negative article about “Little Things” in November, I got hundreds of tweets from livid Directioners. My favorite read, “The guy that wrote this is 23, ugly as f–k, and sounds like he needs someone to play with his ‘Little Things.'” I’ve gotta admit — that one was pretty good.)

4. Be A “Carrot”
The biggest slam in the One Direction community is to be called that beta-carotene bomb. The cut’s history traces back to 2010, when the boys were competing on The X-Factor in the U.K. Louis jokingly remarked, “I like girls who eat carrots,” and suddenly every teenage girl in Britain began proclaiming her love of carrots. Three years later, though, the joke is soooo passé. If that’s the only thing you know about the boys, then you aren’t a real fan. Calling someone a “carrot” essentially means, “You’re an idiot.” Need to hear it context? Take it away, Holly: “Some people, like, say, ‘I eat carrots’ because, like, Louis said he likes girls who eat carrots, and he says he doesn’t like carrots anymore, and that joke isn’t funny. So, like, when people use that joke still, they are a carrot.”

5. Practice Monotheistic Harry Worship
Look, you may know him as the one who dated Taylor Swift (“dated” Taylor Swift, if you’re talking to a Larry shipper), or the one who kind of looks like a young Mick Jagger, or the one with the flowiest hair, but dammit, Harry Styles is not the only member of One Direction! If you fail to mention Liam’s charity work, or Zayn’s engagement, or Louis’ ever-growing arsenal of tattoos, or Niall’s Irish accent, then you know what you are? You’re nothing but a carrot. Or even worse: an adult.

So there you have it: five things to avoid doing (or purposely do, you sadists!) to the One DIrection fan in your life. I’m going to go crawl under a rock now and avoid the avalanche of hate-tweets and snack packs coming my way. Though I do promise you, Directioners: I really am a fan!

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