Cracked.com has just posted a list of “The Most Hilariously Failed Attempts at Sexy Album Covers.” The result is both extremely funny and, at times, utterly grotesque. I temporarily went blind after viewing the phallo-hairiness of Herbie Mann’s Push Push and still can’t quite believe that the fetishistic, and arguably NSFW, offering from Ted Nugent is actually real. Other culprits include Madonna (Hard Candy), Prince (Lovesexy), and Adam Lambert (For Your Entertainment).
The latter’s inclusion seems a tad harsh to me. But that do you think? Are there any other examples of unsexy artwork you believe should have been included? And, for extra credit, which album cover on the list features a current member of Congress?
(Follow the Music Mix on Twitter: @EWMusicMix.)
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Madonna’s “Hard Candy” cover always struck me as tastless – loved the cover to Madonna, Like a Virgin, & True Blue. Adam Lambert looks like a drag queen gone bad — not the image I would think anyone would want. Can’t wait to view the entire list.
Yeah it’s bad. But I liked the one with Jane Fonda. Not sure why it made the list!
Your grandma panties are showing Torrance. I know for the older folks it’s hard to understand. The look was meant to be one of androgeny and retro glam. Quick… grandpa the retirement home is calling you. You left your teeth on the night table
@Ian, LOL. You would think the older folks would actually get it. Didn’t they listen to Ziggy Stardust during their “time?” As for Torrence, he’s probably one of those hip hoppers who know nothing about real sexiness.
@staciegirlie: ah, because real sexiness is a man in make-up surrounded by glitter and stars shrieking at me? right.
I know what Adam’s cover was meant to be, but I still think it’s unsexy. Maybe not as hilariously so as most of the rest of the list though.
Actually Lambert’s cover is pretty good and happens to be one of my favs. It just shows how the guy is comfortable in hisown skin and it show how much voice he has within his management. I don’t know why a lot of people are not liking it but it seems like a throwback to me. Actually my fav covers from the 70′s and 80′s include those of Boygeorge,Bowie and many more. I give Lambert credit for going with this album cover, that dude has balls of steel and I think he is the only standout artist at this time who has an unbelievable stage presence and mad vocal talent.
Dave
Adam Lambert’s album cover is hideously unsexy. If you are a woman and find THAT sexy, I hate to break to you honey, but you’re clearly a LESBIAN. If you are a (gay) man and you find that sexy, I hate to break it to you, honey, but you are clearly STRAIGHT….That much lipstick and makeup on a man may have been a “fun” and “quirky” quirk in 1986 for Boy George and Brett Michaels, but it was never and will never be “sexy”, even if you’re gay (which I am and I find it horribly unsexy).
Adam Lambert wasn’t going for “sexy” when he chose that cover. He said in many interviews that he wanted a very retro-glam rock feel for his cover (like Flock of Seagulls or early David Bowie)and that it was very much “tongue-in-cheek”.
I agree…Adam’s cover is more about fantasy, glamour, and drama…much more sensual than sexual. It’s just fabulous!
You people are all taking this way too seriously, as do most humorless fanatical bunny-boiler Adam fans. It’s just a fun little list of cheesy album covers. Read some of the comments below- the viciousness is so funny!!
I’m a big fan of Adam but the FYE still leaves me cold. I will say that it really stands out among the other cds in the rack…as he stands out among the other artists around.
Exactly. He INTENDED for it to be campy. A lot of people don’t get Adam’s sense of humor. It’s a pity. People would have more fun if they were not so uptight.
I hate to break it to YOU, honey, but faking being a gay man gives your opinion no extra credence and makes you no less of a hatin’ bi*ch.
Faking? You moron. How dare you? You know what I’ve been through in my life coming out? You f-in b*tch. I’m supposed to love him because I’m gay? He’s repulsive and so are you.
Alternate explanation: you are not actually the arbiter of what constitutes “sexy” for every human being on the planet.
Believe it or not, some people have different feelings than you–really, it’s true!
And some of us are rather more secure and confident in our gender and sexuality than you seem to be.
I didnt write the article. I’m just agreeing with the article. I don’t find it sexy. It’s a ridiculous album cover. I’m very confident in my sexuality and I like men because they are men – strong, masculine, hairy. Not because they wear makeup and lipstick. If I liked makeup and lipstick I may as well be straight.
Who made you an expert on what is sexy. What a freaking loser. It was meant to be tongue and cheek Glam. But I know it takes an IQ to figure that one out
I didn’t write the article. Don’t hate on me. I just agree with it.
hate to break it to you, arrogant think you know it all Alan, you dont’ know gay or straight, LOL… thanks for the laugh. Let me shove my shaft of enlightenment up your hole of ignorance!
I didn’t put him on the list, Cracked.com did. Don’t hate the messenger.
I’m not hating on you dude, I think you were kind of funny. But having said that, some other of these commenters are right – Lambert’s cover was totally not meant to be sexy. He was well aware of what he was going for and what he was going to get with this cover. And actually, my humble opinion, his cover is one in a long line of things that show how comfortable he is with his femininity, his masculinity, and definitely his sexiness… his cover didn’t need to be sexy, because just about everything else that oozes out of his pores IS! He’s got frickin’ sexy to spare, he wasn’t going for that with his cover.
I didn’t put him on the list. Cracked.com did. What’s wrong with you people? I’m just agreeing with the article. I didnt write it.
Alan, I hate to break it to you, but tell it to Adam’s millions of fans worldwide. Or don’t.
That’s fine. You’re not breaking it to “me”. I didn’t write the list, Cracked.com did, I’m just agreeing with it. And I think Adam’s fans like his voice and music, not his looks.
Sorry to disappoint but I’m straight and STILL find Lambert’s cover pretty sexy. It’s not the fact that all the make up he has on is what makes him, him, but his eyes are more or less what he’s showing off. He has amazing colors in his eyes, and I think the only true reason he wears such dark make up is because it brings out his colors.
I don’t think he was trying to go for drag queen. Or anywhere in between. Seems to me he’s just acting as himself. Not trying to pretend to be anymore or any less. From some of the interviews I’ve seen, they’ve all asked him simple questions like “Are you gay” and “How hard was it to come out of the closet.” and his reply was just a “I don’t think I’ve ever been in the closet.”
If you don’t find his eyes, looks, or covers sexy, then don’t be hating, and find the look that you do find sexy.
You fanatical Adam fans are missing the point of the article. The article is about cheesy and ridiculous album covers that are non-sexy. Why am I being the enemy? I’m just agreeing with the list. As a gay man (although some people seem to think I’m lying I am) I go far more for the Lee Dewyze type than Adam Lambert.
@Alan…nothing worse than a jealous gay guy…STOP you sound ridiculous…I GET Adams cover, it was not meant to be sexy..
Sexiness is entirely subjective, of course. But why do I think that they hated Lambert’s album cover because he looks too much like a girl? Prince, too, for that matter. Because we all know a guy can’t be feminine AND sexy.
David Bowie can!
So can Adam Lambert!
Johnny Weir has been described as feminine…but I actually find him to be quite sexy.
But Herbie’s album has a bonus track you guys!
HAHA! That album cover takes the cake. I’m getting it framed and will hang it… nowhere near my bed so it won’t kill the mood!
big surprise , i just love the cover of Adam’s For Your Entertainment
i love this androginy face , is not a common cover and so have to be , different, to remember , good or
bed
I don’t judge an album by the cover. I judge it the content. When about content, ADAM’s album is fresh, divers, surprising and displays an overall quality of ALL SONG that is not common our days.
Aww, that’s lovely. You’re so sweet. But that has NOTHING to do with the content of this article. This article is about ALBUM COVERS that try to be sexy but aren’t.
Awww, you’re such an a*s. Awww.
Your such a cute troll. Wanna sammich?
Whatever. Seriously you guys, Alan can have his perspective. He voiced his opinion on a message board – that’s what they’re for! He may have claimed to speak for most, and yeah that was out of line, but there’s a lot of hate being thrown his way for something I see done on these message boards all the time. And people are taking this WAY too seriously. I think Amalia comes across as humourless, self-righteous and missed the entire point of the article too; does that make me a troll? It’s meant for a laugh – it has nothing to do with the quality of the album itself. I mean, come on, Herbie Mann is a jazz flute genius!! (I have no idea if that’s true, but it could be!) I don’t think Lambert’s album is that unsexy either, but it doesn’t mean other people have to agree. Lambert fans, I’m sorry, but all y’all do take him and everything about him too seriously (he seems to have a much better sense of humour about himself than his fans do).
Why does an album cover have to be sexy? It should be about what’s on the disc, not on the cover!
Again. That’s not the point of this article. You may be right, but you’re totally off-point. This is just a funny little article about album covers (like the awful Madonna one above) that try to be sexy but aren’t. LET’S STAY ON THE SUBJECT, people.
YEAH, STAY ON THE SUBJECT OF HATIN ON ADAM LAMBERT WHENEVER POSSIBLE! Goodness, what’s wrong with you people?
you and the author are sort of off topic yourselves because, as many have already said, Lambert was NOT GOING FOR sexy… ’cause let me tell ‘ya dude, if he was, he would have achieved that very easily!! Many will never find Lambert sexy, fine, no problem, whatevs, but dude, there are so many of both genders that find Lambert so sexy it hurts. If Lambert had been going for sexy, you’d know it at a glance. He just wasn’t with this cover… and so the author has missed the point to begin with.
I don’t care what he was “going for”. Again, the article is about what album covers are not sexy, and this one is not. You Adam fans are ridiculous. Read the posts above. You are fanatical. Get a life (or medication). You’re free to love Adam all you want, but the author of the list doesnt find his album cover sexy and neither do I.
But .. Alan .. THAT is the subject! ADAM wasn’t TRYING to be sexy .. just CAMPY! His album cover was completely MISinterpreted when it came out & now this Collins person is including it in an article/list on which it does NOT belong! Even ADAM himself said he was not going for the USUAL look but nodding to the retro GLAM look of the past! Pay attention! Agreeing with the author of this article puts YOU in the LINE OF FIRE ALSO!!
I appreciate your info, tmd, and I’m sure that you are correct. But when an artist makes an album cover, he must know that people are going to “judge it by its cover” as the saying goes. Maybe everyone else on the list also had a creative, tongue-in-cheek meaning behind the cover. But unfortunately nobody’s going to care. People are going to judge the end result and I’m sure he knew that was the risk he was taking. I don’t he’s in a place yet in his career where he can be so “ironic” as to compare himself, through image, to Bowie or the glam rock stars of the ’70s. That he did so makes him seem arrogant. He’s got to prove himself a bit more first, no?
Thank you for that link — hilarious. I must say Cerrone’s album cover sexiness depends on what’s IN the fridge.
Adam wasn’t trying to make a sexy album cover. He was doing an omage to the glam album covers of the seventies and eighties. It was a cover that was suppose to be OTT, over air brushed and glam. He succeeded.
If he was trying to create an object of ridicule, then yes. Mission accomplished.
If you were trying to be a jerk, then yes….Mission Accomplished.
It got him a lot of attention when the album cover was released, and people are still talking about it now, including your dumb a**, so yeah I’d say mission accomplished.
I’m sure his talent, looks, and bank statement soften any such “ridicule.”
but his album sales are worth ridicule, though
i like the madonna cover… i think the “sexiness” is supposed to be tongue in cheek and not taken seriously. and adam’s… was it supposed to be sexy? i’m not sure that was the intention…
I like them both, they are campy and unique.
When I look at the album cover for Hard Candy, I agree with RS. I don’t think sexy – I think irony and humor which is what Madonna was definitely going for.
Now, I think the cover for Ray of Light is sexy!
I love Adam Lambert and love the Album! I hated the cover. It was NOT Sexy or Glam or OTT . It was just pointless.
The *point* was to be campy and OTT. Sorry for the folks that didn’t get it. LOVED it!
Lambert wasn’t trying to be sexy, so I don’t know why he’s even on the list. (Except maybe they wanted hits on their cracked out website.)
Yep, hit seekers for sure. Same as EW.
Double yep – looking for hits. (and double yep again, same as EW).
Tweets by Adam Lambert re: Album Cover
“Thank you to those who appreciate and understand that the album cover is deliberately campy. It’s an homage to the past. It IS ridiculous.”
“For those that don’t get it: oh well… Glad to have gotten your attention.”
“Androgyny. Rock n Roll.”
Enough said.
I love Adam but think this to be a rather arrogant statement from him.
Adam Lambert may have been trying for a glam rock throwback for his album cover, but that doesn’t stop it from being the tackiest thing I’ve ever seen in my life.
No, the tackiest thing you’ve ever seen in your life was your reflection in the mirror!
Wow, that was a brilliant comeback.
Hahaha! That was a good one! I just sat there and laughed at that for quite a while XD!
Agreed, despite the Liberace legions above